The 9 moves that survived 788 videos
If you do nothing else, do these.
- Buy picanha, thick — or ribeye / NY strip ≥1.5". Marbling over grade label.
- Dry brine 24h — coarse salt, all sides + edges, uncovered on a rack in the fridge.
- Pepper + garlic powder before cooking. Optional: light MSG with the salt, or the homemade umami powder.
- 135°F internal. Never past medium-rare. Wireless thermometer, never a fork.
- Two-zone lump charcoal: 250°F indirect → pull ~120°F → violent sear, flip every 30s.
- Milk-powder dust right before searing — the late-era crust cheat code.
- Rest ≤10 min → 1 tsp browned garlic-thyme butter on top. Tested identical to constant basting.
- Smoked flaky salt + mixed-peppercorn grind. Sauce on the side only.
- Slice against the grain. Always.
Buying — what actually won
Picanha is the queen 👑
Beat ribeye blind ▶ Zn31bx, crushed tri-tip ▶ vpjuQx. Cook as full steaks, not skewers — steaks won twice ▶ AN1WSU.
Thickness beats everything
2" steaks crushed thin ones for juiciness ▶ -VhQKt. Thin cuts are why chain steakhouses lose ▶ HtDDMo.
Grade is marketing
Blind tasters couldn't tell Prime from Choice ▶ WMhC9p. A $29 Costco choice ribeye-cap beat $50 Whole Foods Prime ▶ PTFf4s. Shop marbling + cap size. Skip pre-marinated and blade-tenderized packs. Grain-fed > grass-fed ▶ phOyUh.
Prep — the 24-hour window
Dry brine: the most-repeated winning move in the corpus
Coarse salt, every side and edge, uncovered on a rack, ~24h. Salt-before beat salt-after conclusively ▶ aeCaGJ, and seasoning the steak beat seasoning the board ▶ EhWJF8.
The window is sharp: 24–48h great, 72h max. One week tasted like bad ham; a month was inedible ▶ yX79HU.
The umami layer halal
- MSG in the dry brine won with Uncle Roger ▶ smLAHK and unanimously improved even A5 ▶ Zsw_1w. Moderation — the 5-lb video proved more ≠ better.
- Homemade umami powder beat real MSG blind ▶ sE3dYC: dehydrate equal parts tomato, anchovy, onion, mushroom, garlic, parmesan ~20h; grind with kombu. Keep a jar.
Skip entirely each lost its test
Wet marinades on good cuts · steak sauce anywhere near raw meat · room-temperature resting (internal rose 12°F in 2 hours — total myth ▶ TUGILG) · cornstarch sear coatings · salt blocks. Cook straight from the fridge.
Cook — two proven paths, one destination: 135°F
Path A · Charcoal reverse sear — maximum flavor
- Two-zone fire, lump charcoal. Charcoal beat gas and pellets "every time, hands down" ▶ GGkIzK ▶ lKlMgz.
- Indirect at ~250°F to internal 115–120°F. 250°F beat 350°F and beat 900°F hot-and-fast ▶ DmORW3; crowned best technique of 100 years of steaks ▶ CtZ0MX.
- Milk-powder dust just before the sear — beat brown butter and the control ▶ 3f7Eys. Burns like butter; keep it moving.
- Sear 60–90s/side, flipping every 30s. Direct flame >30s = bitterness. Golden-brown crust, no grill-mark worship.
- Pull 5–8°F under target; carryover lands it at 135°F — winner of every doneness test ever run.
Indoor: cast iron smoking-hot, fat-cap-first in a dry pan, finish in a 250°F oven. Bonus: with a ~950°F pizza-oven broiler, sear-FIRST beat reverse sear ▶ kr02zJ.
Path B · Sous vide — zero-attention perfection
| Cut | Temp | Time |
|---|---|---|
| Picanha | 135°F | 2h |
| Ribeye / NY strip (1.5") | 135°F | 2h — beat 6/12/24h ▶ |
| Filet mignon | 129–131°F | 2h |
| 3"+ monsters | 135–137°F | 3–4.5h |
| Prime rib | 137°F | 6h — "cannot mess it up" |
| Chuck roast | 131–135°F | 12–24h |
| Eye round → fake filet | 131°F | 48h ▶ |
| Collagen cuts (short-rib plate, cupim) | 185°F | 12–24h |
- Nothing wet in the bag — butter in the bag made steaks worse ▶ hNtqr8. Winners in the bag: powdered/dried aromatics over fresh ▶ Z4Ydqf, dehydrated onion, thyme + citrus zests.
- In a hurry: 150°F express — 20 min per 1", 30/1.5", 40/2" ▶ XW03aO.
- Pat bone dry → sear ≤1 min/side: charcoal chimney ▶ 2oyd7R, Searzall, or cast iron. Never a small bare torch (torch-taste), never the oven broiler (gray band).
- Meal prep is legit: cook → ice bath → fridge/freeze → reheat 135°F/30 min → sear at service. Tested better-than-fresh at 6 days ▶ Up5ObT.
Finish — the flavor stack
The one-teaspoon trick winner
Skip constant basting. 1 tsp browned garlic-thyme butter on the rested steak tested blind-identical to a fully basted one ▶ ZOcb_0. If you baste anyway: brown butter, never clarified — the milk solids are the whole point ▶ b7bPqW.
"Grill flavor" indoors
Smoke the FAT, not the steak: smoked butter won twice ▶ VtJwyi; 8-hour smoked beef tallow melted over the crust is "the champ" ▶ k8aAvr.
Salt & pepper finals
Smoked salt won the salt battle ▶ nTMm6I; the all-four-peppercorn mix won the pepper battle ▶ TtzsU4.
Cured egg yolk topper
Cure yolks 5–7 days in salt/sugar — the Worcestershire-cured version won ▶ wsMLzZ — dehydrate, grate over the steak.
The compound-butter throne 🧈
Butter of the Gods (best steak of 2020, halal as-is ▶ PVPaHd): butter + roasted bone marrow + anchovy paste + cured egg yolk + shallot + garlic + parsley. Chill into a log, coin on the hot steak.
Runners-up that beat controls: gochujang-parmesan ▶ 6S_cBD · kimchi butter (10/10) ▶ CCOT9M · hondashi butter ▶ FHS09P · miso butter on wagyu ▶ TaVfoo · anchovy "Italian MSG" butter ▶ z1ymUz.
Rule from a dozen experiments: strong flavors go in butter, never raw on the meat.
Sauces — always on the side
Chimichurri was champion of the five classics — make it with avocado oil, not olive ▶ rbT7h_. Béarnaise elevated wagyu. Chocolate mole beat MrBeast's alternatives ▶ wC0Vd0. For a stunt: French onion soup broiled ON the steak won unanimously ▶ I8sK-o.
Rest ≤10 minutes. Slice against the grain.
The upgrade ladder
In order of proven payoff.
1 · Dry-age 28–35 days — the single biggest flavor move
45-day dry-aged beat a wagyu tomahawk head-to-head ▶ 2x8kp1; aging improved even A5 ▶ 7i_ecX. UMAi bag in a normal fridge. Prime/Premium only — aging Choice or lean cuts isn't worth it. Ceiling 35–60 days; 100+ days at home = fishy and inedible.
Coatings that beat PLAIN dry age: anchovy paste (10/10) ▶ · fresh wasabi ▶ · sumac paste ("a million percent") ▶ · parmesan wrap ▶ · maple syrup (first coating to ever beat real dry age) ▶ · lime-zest butter · MSG paste · black garlic paste.
48h shortcut: dry koji rice pressed on, 2–3 days — beat real dry-age with an NFL judge ▶ rb3SHg. Never leave koji a month.
Instant fake: baste a fresh steak in rendered dry-aged tallow — fooled every taster ▶ 7MTaKK.
2 · Smoke — 45 minutes, or smoke the butter
45-min cold smoke before the sear beat 15/30/none ▶ lOOQLU. After sous vide, smoke for aroma. Or skip smoking the meat entirely and smoke the butter/tallow (see Finish).
3 · Cheap-cut tenderizing — the science that survived
- Pineapple slurry (blend with skin) ≤45–60 min, rinse ×3 — the series-finale champion over papaya, mallet, and Jaccard ▶ vhKtSE. Past an hour = mush.
- Papaya 30 min · kiwi close behind · ginger slurry 24h ("most tender and delicious") ▶ Tft10d
- Buttermilk 1 week turned choice into prime ▶ Q3yiVg · egg-white velveting for stir-fry cuts · lime sparkling water 1h
- never baking soda (off-flavor, twice-proven)
4 · The Korean marinade — the only marinade that beat SPG on premium beef
Decisively won on wagyu short rib ▶ woY1Ez, and galbi was crowned best steak dish on Earth in the world tour ▶ Pci1-Q: Asian pear, onion, garlic, ginger, soy, honey, brown sugar, sesame oil — 24h vacuum. Traditional recipes add mirin; the pear+honey build above is the halal version and loses nothing.
5 · Stuffed picanha — the family secret
Halal ledger
Every flagged finding and its substitution — mostly free upgrades, since plain beat alcohol in every direct test anyway.
| Guga's winner | Flag | Halal build |
|---|---|---|
| Bacon salt / bacon-fat bastes / carbonara butter | 🐷 | Beef bacon (his own recipe) or smoked tallow — smoked fat was the proven flavor carrier anyway |
| Jamón ibérico on filet | 🐷 | Bresaola / cured beef |
| Bourbon butter, whiskey flambé | 🍷 | Skip at zero cost: plain beat alcohol marinades in every direct test. Butter of the Gods or miso butter instead |
| Wine pan sauces | 🍷 | Chimichurri won the sauce-off anyway; or beef stock + balsamic reduction |
| Mirin in Korean marinade | 🍷 | Pear + honey carry it — verified winner formula works without it |
| MSG | ✅ | Halal (plain glutamate). Prefer to avoid it? The homemade umami powder beat MSG in Guga's own blind test |
Myths executed by the corpus
Each of these lost a controlled test. Stop doing them.